Learn to say ‘no’ to the good, so you can ‘yes’ to the best. – John C. Maxwell.
I know a message we hear constantly in the dating world is to stay open minded and open hearted.
Very valid point.
Say Yes to Life. Say Yes to Opportunities. Say Yes to Possibilities.
You really never know who you will fall in love with or how it will happen.
However, in an arena where insecurities may be the deciding factors behind those Yesses, it is equally as valid to be mindful in your eagerness for love.
Here is the thing:
Sometimes saying Yes is coming from a place of obligation or doubt.
Maybe you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings by letting them know you are just not that into them.
Or the flip side is you come from a place of scarcity.
You are saying yes because ‘there are no good ones left out there’ or you are not sure if there is anyone ‘better than this.’
In other words …
“I don’t think I can get what I want, because I don’t deserve it.”
This way of thinking runs especially rampant around the holidays because we feel lonely or focus on the things we have not ‘accomplished’ yet in our lives.
This breaks my heart.
We ALL deserve the kind of love that rocks our worlds, knocks our socks off and inspires us to be a better person.
There ARE good ones out there and there is ALWAYS a more suitable option.
Yet, we don’t believe that and end up being the chosen one instead of the chooser when it comes to our potential partners.
You definitely have a choice when it comes to the type of love you let in. Don’t be afraid to be selective!
If the person or situation has you feeling off, or weird, or unsatisfied, SAY NO!
I promise you it will leave you feeling empowered and liberated when you say NO to the things that do not resonate with you.
Even though this is not a Public Service Announcement about using Drugs, the same motto applies to people, situations or relationships that are not in line with the vision of our ideal love and life ….
JUST SAY NO!
Your heart will thank you for it.
I am curious … how do you think your world would be different if you said NO more? What are ways you can decipher what’s a YES and what’s a NO? Please share in the comments below.
Natalie Vartanian, CPCC, ACC, is a certified life coach and an expert when it comes to sex and relationships. She knows it’s possible to have amazing love in an unconventional way. Find her at http://nataliethecoach.com & get her free in-depth love wish list worksheet. Through the end of December, she is offering hour-long coaching or tarot sessions for only $50 that can be redeemed at any time. Find out more here!
Main pic credit: Marc Falardeau, Flickr.com.
I’ve been in a long term relationship, so it’s been a while since I’ve been out in the dating world.
Personally, though, I am a YES girl. I say yes to everything and especially things I hate doing or have no time for. But, I’ve slowly decided that I value myself and my feelings, and I need to start saying NO more often.
What has worked for me is not making quick decisions in the moment. I often tell people I’ll need to think about it and will let them know later. This gives me time to really feel out whether or not it is something that will make me happy. Thanks for the reminder!
I love that Jennifer. Reminds me of a rule I started a while back (mainly for shopping but heck it applies to most anything) …. the “24 hour rule” … I have to wait at least 24 hours to make decisions on anything that doesn’t feel like a “HELL YES!”
Thanks for sharing! XO
Hi,
Great post! It’s quite important, I think. We don’t realize the extent to which we’re manipulated nowadays. By people, media, social conventions, but mostly people. There are closed questions, open questions, and a whole bunch of techniques to make you say YES.
If you’re unsure what it is you want (90% of population) they will take advantage of you.
Awesome post! We can’t please everyone, and trying to is usually what ends up draining us. Thanks for sharing.
Saying more ‘No’ will definitely help to increase my productivity. To say ‘No’ is about strength of character.
Will you let others dictate how you lead your life?
That’s the question I think people need to ask when they felt the urge to say ‘Yes’ for the sake of pleasing others or trying to conform with the group.
Thanks, Natalie, for reminding me of the value of saying more ‘No’ in life.
Everybody: your comments are really thought-provoking! I love them. I totally agree with not having to put up with situations or people that don’t resonate with you.. But I think that there are different ways of saying ‘No’ to different people. Sometimes you need act in a particular behaviour for people to believe or understand that you are saying ‘no’.
But my true advice is: never to say ‘No’ when you are not sure…put a little effort in investigating what you are about to lose before you do 😉