Loving people live in a loving world.
Hostile people live in a hostile world.
Same world. – Dr Wayne Dyer.
Tweetable Quote: Change your Perspective to Change your Life.
(Post by Kimberly Riggins of Kimberly Riggins International. Want to write for YLYW? Get the deets).
Over the last few years, I have learned a very valuable lesson:
How you do one thing is how you do everything.
And for a long time, I really took that to heart. I intentionally showed up in the world as the woman I wanted to be and honestly knew I could be.
And then all hell broke loose and my life felt like it was turned upside down.
- My marriage shifted.
- My finances plummeted.
- And the beautiful house I called home ended up in foreclosure.
Initially, I threw the biggest, most badass pity party I could possibly muster.
And oh did I cry. Then I screamed and if I am completely honest, I broke a few things along the way, hoping that watching glass shatter would somehow make me feel better.
It did, at first, until I realized that I had to clean up the mess. Sh*t, that sucked!
The next thing I did was retreat. If it weren’t for my son, I probably would have stayed in bed for weeks. Instead, I got quiet, hid behind my computer and never answered the phone. But truthfully, I got bored. And extremely antsy so I did the only thing I knew would pull me out of my funk.
I started a business!
Yes, that’s right. I started a business—from scratch.
I know it’s crazy but instead of sulking and dwelling on things I couldn’t possibly fix overnight, I put my creative juices to work.
And a year later, I published my first book.
Talk about keeping myself busy!
I woke up every morning and was psyched and raring to go. I wanted to rise to the top of my field; help thousands of women overcome their insecurities, to help them rise from the ashes.
But there was one problem — yes, I was showing up in my business like I could do anything. I was fearless, determined, hopeful and, above all else, positive.
But in my personal life, I was cranky, moody, angry, resentful, hurt and tired of all the bullshit.
So I hired a business coach and literally spent $1000’s I didn’t have, thinking that was the ANSWER.
Now don’t get me wrong, the lessons I learned were priceless. My business is so much clearer than it was. I am facing all of my fears (that at first I didn’t even know I had) and I am ready to take on anything. Because I know what I have to offer has value and I can do great things with my gifts.
And it would be a tragedy to keep them all to myself.
But that wasn’t the SOLUTION.
In addition to getting more business pointers, tips, and suggestions I should have been looking internally and examining how I was showing up in the rest of my life and working on that piece too, if not more.
Because the reality is they are connected.
How in the world can I truly build a successful, profitable business if I am being a total b*tch and a sourpuss (as my current business coach would say) at home?
I had to shift from living in Negative-Ville to partying on Positive Lane! But HOW?
Here are the 5 things I did to start the shift (that you can do too!).
MAKE THE CONSCIOUS DECISION TO SHIFT YOUR BEHAVIOUR.
I decided to no longer stand for my negative behavior, thoughts, and beliefs.
I truly believe we are solely responsible on how we act. We have a choice in how we use our energy. You can either let it suck you dry or allow it to feed you from head to toe. What will you choose?
SET YOUR INTENTION EACH MORNING.
I start each day with intention.
Visualize how you will show up in the world. Picture your demeanor, your responses, and your energy. And then follow your intentions through.
USE A TRIGGER TOOL.
For me, this is my hairband. I always have a hairband on my wrist so it’s a no brainer. Whatever you use, you want it to remind you of your intention and bring you back to the present moment. When I find myself talking negatively, I snap my hairband on my wrist and it literally snaps me back to my intention. Yes, it stings a bit but it works for me.
Find something that works for you.
ENLIST YOUR FRIENDS’ HELP.
I reached out to friends.
Ask a few good friends to point it out to you when you are being overly negative. This is a great way to see how often you are acting like a brat. People always say awareness is key — and in this instance, I wholeheartedly agree!
IF ALL ELSE FAILS, SMILE, SAY NOTHING, AND MOVE ON.
You are going to have those days. Days where you think your life sucks. It’s inevitable. Sometimes all you can do is put your best foot forward, smile, shake it off and move on.
How are you showing up in the world? Is it how you intended? If not, what step can you take today to shift that behavior?
I want to hear from you. Leave a comment below and let me know how you showed up in the world today. And if you liked this post, don’t be shy – like, tweet, stumble, pin, share the love! Thanks!
Kimberly Riggins is a body image & self-love expert. She is the author of the inspirational book, Love Your Naked Ass, the creator of the upcoming program, The Ravishing Renegade, a 30-day program where women learn to discover self-love, and the chief initiator of the philanthropy mission called “The Watch Her Thrive Project”.
To learn more about Kimberly or to take her Love your Naked Ass Dare, visit http://kimberlyriggins.com.
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Hi Kimberly
I really enjoyed your post, thanks for sharing your story with us. It’s fantastic that you got yourself out of that negative space. It can be rather easy to wallow and retreat when you have a series of setbacks. I personally love the hairband trigger stings a bit comment. Being negative and miserable stings a bit too, so it seems appropriate!!
Enjoyed reading your post, I will pop over and check out your blog as well.
Cheers
Thea
Hi Thea.
Thanks for your kind words. Honestly, I am still dealing with the aftermath of it all but I have chosen to not let my circumstances define me.
Yes, it is way easier to retreat and wallow but I have realized from many times being in that space that it’s just not productive. 🙂
So nice to meet you.
xoxo
Kimberly
Hi Kimberly
Love the post. I have a question about number 4 on your list. I’ve always been told to “Never put too much trust in friends”. What do you think????
Hi Kevin.
Thanks for reading my post! If you would have asked me this question ten years ago, I would have probably given you that advice.
But over time and through my own personal journey, I realized that not everyone is out to get you. First and foremost, you have to trust yourself. When you have faith in your intuition, you will know who you can trust. I choose to have faith in my friends.
With that said, I can literally count on one hand my good friends. I have deliberately surrounded myself with those that I love, trust and support.
I am sure you have people like that in your life too! Be open to them and have faith in them. Our lives are too short to not have people in our corner. 🙂
xo
Kimberly
HI
I was interested in your blog because it resembles much of my life. I too have experienced great loss and have in many ways risen from the ashes. I have a desire to help others do the same but seem to be stuck as to how to move forward on this. I have a few ideas but I think I am waiting for my life to be perfect and myself to be completely ‘fixed’ before i commit to doing anything other than think about what to do. I realise of course that this is unrealistic and that it is much better to show up as a real and authentic person living a real and authentic life than a perfect example of someone who has got life sorted. Thank for your encouragement this morning.
Hey Janet, I’m sure the lovely Kimberly will have some words of advice for you, I just wanted to say that waiting for perfection is like sitting under an apple tree waiting for the apple to fall instead of climbing it to pick it (or going to the store, ha! ha!).
Ok, crazy analogy but you get what I mean – perfectionism is usually fear disguised as something else. The fear of not being good enough and so thinking nothing you do will be good enough.
May I introduce my fave mantra? “If everything is an experiment, nothing is a failure.” Granted, I myself balk sometimes, but ask yourself what will matter in a month, a year, 5 years, 10 years – waiting to start or wholeheartedly looking for opportunities to give and help and inspire on a daily basis?
If ALL you did was smile at one person a day, you would change lives. Guaranteed. Pick one of your ideas, and take a baby step towards it. Wanna share some of them and we can brainstorm ways to get started right here on the blog?
That would help tons of people wondering the same thing too! See how simple it can be? Thank you for being so real and sharing what’s going on with you! That gives others permission to be authentic and share-y too!
Hi Tia
Thank you so much for your reply and your encouragement. You are of course quite right – a smile can go a long way and this simple fact is something that I often forget in my bid to do something ‘bigger’! A while ago I formed a group called Wonderful World – the idea being for friends to get together and celebrate what was wonderful in their life. We have met a few times (though not so much lately) to share and build appreciation for the lives we have; to look for the everyday miracles that surround us and to raise our awareness of the ‘good’ that exists all around us. I have had ideas about branching our beyond immediate friends and family (so far I have lacked the confidence to do so!) and perhaps doing some kind of ‘blessing’ workshop? Also I think about a web page/site? And also I write a little and have some ideas for a small booklet. Any suggestions as to how to move forward would be gratefully received. Thank you so much for your time and energy. Much love. Janet
Hi
Thanks for your reply and your timely encouragement. You are quite right of course – a smile can go a long way and often I forget this in my desire to do something ‘big and meaningful’!
I have a group of friends that get together once in while under the umbrella name ‘Wonderful World’. We come together to share what is wonderful about our world, to build our appreciation of the good in our lives and to celebrate the everyday miracles that support our daily living. So far I have limited anything I have done with ‘Wonderful World’ to friends and family but have for a while wondered about expanding this and reaching out into the wider community. I have an idea for a kind of ‘blessings’ workshop. Also I have thought about creating a web page/site/blog but am unsure as to how to and also I write and have a few ideas for a small booklet around the same theme. Phew – lots of ideas but not much else at the moment. I do not run a business so anything I do is purely out of interest and whereas I am prepared to meet a certain amount of costs myself I could not fund a huge enterprise myself. Any suggestions? Thanks for your time and energy.
This is my second attempt to reply to you so I hope this message gets through.
Janet
Hi Janet.
Thanks for stopping by. It’s a pleasure to connect with you.
Here is what I’ve learned. There will never be a “right” time to start something new. If we waited for the “perfect” moment, we would all still be waiting.
Instead, I say, take the bull by the horns and go for it! Give it everything you got. Your life experiences, if shared, could have the power to help someone else. It would be selfish not to share your gifts and experiences with the world.
You already have authenticity down pat. Now practice being “imperfect” and never give up!
Sending you lots of love.
xo
Kimberly
Love the idea of setting an intention in the morning! Great way to start the day. I have a friend who uses the wristband option, so far she says it helps.
Thanks Crystal.
When I set my morning intention, it totally sets up my day. It makes such a HUGE difference and it literally only takes a few quiet minutes in the morning to do. Let me know if you try it!
Ah yes, the wristband. I love my wristband!
Good day! This post could not be written any better!
Reading this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept chatting about this.
I will forward this article to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read.
Many thanks for sharing!