When you first learned to walk, everyone loved and encouraged you! Smart baby, they said, you’ll be walking before you know it.
So you learned to celebrate “failure” as a stepping stone to success. It was the natural order of life.
As your grew up, you changed. You became a quivering mass of jelly. A creature of habit and comfort. Ok maybe I’m being a bit harsh but you know as well as I do, just how much you sell yourself short. Admit it!
So WHY are you so scared of failing? If you don’t know how to do something, you won’t even try cos you’re scared you’ll fail and others will laugh or say I told you so.
You’ll be rejected and heaven help you if that happens, cos it’s obviously the end of the road for you :P.
Well guess what – those who laugh or put you down are to be pitied, cos they are SO scared they won’t even try whereas you, YOU will take that chance and learn and grow from it, no matter what happens!
Now, Isn’t that something to rejoice about?
As I have been thinking about this post it has brought to my mind a very common misperception that I am ready to let go of ~ that we EITHER fail OR succeed.
You’re with me right? We really fail AND succeed at the same time. There is no failure when we make it a part of success!
“I’ve missed over 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games; 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot…and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” — Michael Jordan, Basketball Player
I love that quote, it really helps put things in perspective. He (or someone else) also said you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
That’s one of the reasons I took on this 100 things I fear in 1oo days project, where I do one thing daily that scares me.
- From reaching out to connect with someone, to
- Asking for help,
- Hugging strangers in the middle of downtown Vancouver,
- Laying in the middle of a pavement for a few minutes in broad daylight,
- Following my instincts inspite of fear … and much more..
.. all in aid of stretching past my comfort zone and growing my strength and courage in the process. Learning that the only thing that matters is how I feel about myself. Learning not to let my insecurities and fears be in charge of me.
No matter what your beliefs, you only get ONE shot at THIS life you’re living today. As each day, month and year passes, do you realise just how precious this gift of life is? I find myself wanting to make the most of it, everyday.
Don’t want to wait till something awful happens for me to start cherishing this precious, precious gift. I want to be reminded of it all the time.
Don’t you agree, that to spend most of our lives in fear, never doing, saying or being what we want, is a gross waste of our time, talent and purpose on Earth?
Today, I’m asking YOU to do one thing that scares you, that you wouldn’t dream of doing for fear of rejection, loss, feeling silly or any other excuse you have. That’s all they are, excuses.
And to encourage you, I’m posting an 8 second video of me looking really self conscious, silly and giggly as I chant “free hugs, free hugs” to people passing by! It took me about 20 minutes to feel comfortable with it and within an hour I gave out over 50 hugs. It was an AMAZING experience!
One lady even stopped her car at the red traffic signal, ran out across the road, hugged my friend and ran back into her car. Unbelievable!
My favourite? The little 3 yr old who ran to me with arms outstretched and gave me at least 3 hugs.
Look at her gorgeous little face.. Aww!
Of course, there were those who scowled and tried to avoid us 🙂 But you know what? That was all good too as it really reinforced the notion that “rejection isn’t personal” .
What a wonderfully empowering feeling THAT is.
To those who took a chance on a hug from a stranger, thank you for being so open to love and the human spirit!
If I can face my fear of being on camera, looking foolish, and posting a lopsided video that I couldn’t figure out how to straighten, imagine what ELSE I could do!?
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And YOU my friend, what are you not doing because you’re worried, scared, fearful or lack confidence? Share it with us, and then commit to doing it. We’re rooting for you all the way!!
I’m especially talking to those of you who read but feel like you have nothing to say – I’m telling you that you DO. So even if your act of courage is to write a comment that you always shy away from, do it now! Looking forward to hearing from you 🙂 Thanks for being brave. You’re AWESOME.
Thank you for another great post, Tia . . . and thank you for sharing your gifts with us!
“My favourite? The little 3 yr old who ran to me with arms outstretched and gave me at least 3 hugs.”
How sweet! Most young children are so in tune with who they really are (love) and are so willing to share it. They see the world as paradise . . . and so it is. I was at a garage sale a few years ago where a little boy (who lived there) came up to me with his arms out, so I picked him up and he cuddled right up. His father laughed and came over to get him (he was afraid the little boy was “bothering me”). He set him back down . . . and the little boy came right back to me with his arms outstretched. Since I was the only one there at the time, the dad let him stay in my arms until I was done looking around. What a sweet experience!
Someone once said, “Don’t die with your music still inside you.” What a powerful message to share our gifts with the world. We are each cogs in the great machine called Life . . . each an individual part of a much greater whole. And every cog plays an important part . . . whether they realize it or not . . .
We came here with the intentions of learning and having fun. As Abraham says, “Life is supposed to be fun. No one is taking score of any kind, and if you will stop taking score so much, you will feel a whole lot better — and as you feel a whole lot better, more of the things that you want right now will flow to you.”
So here’s to enjoying life . . . and forgetting to take score. Doing what feels good and not caring what others think (which is what a lot of fear is about). After all, when you care about what others think, you are saying that their opinion of you is more important than your opinion of you. And it’s not . . .
That’s exactly it Carol! Children have much to teach us with their open, loving and vulnerable ways. I understand the trepidation of adults today as the world seems a more dangerous place than the world of our childhood and yet at the same time, we’re losing out on the pure and simple pleasures of life.
Don’t know if we’ll ever go back full circle to that innocence yet we can make a conscious effort to recreate some of those experiences and feelings of freedom, choice and happiness.
“”So here’s to enjoying life . . . and forgetting to take score.”” I feel like that needs to go on my manifesto! Not that I have one yet, but I am so gonna create one hehe.
Thanks for validating my point Carol, your opinion of you is more important than others opinion of you and never forget that, as won’t I 🙂
Tia, if you ever think you might like to do something like this again, please – let me know! I’m in, and pretty sure my kid will be too… How do I know?
– This year, he decided to go door-to-door to raise Twoonies for Cancer (Canada’s $2 coin) as part of the Terry Fox Run. Three evenings in a row, he knocked on doors, asking if they would be so kind to help raise Twoonies for Cancer, “But if not, you can give me a big hug.” All him – his idea, and ultimately, his essence.
– We were invited next door for dinner on Sunday (Thanksgiving in Canada). We graciously declined in person – the kid decided we should also tell them why we’re thankful for them and give them a hug. We did.
Only one thing I’m really *reluctant* (ahem) to do… Ironically, it’s the one thing I’ve always desired. You’ve got me thinking now…
You two would have LOVED hanging out with us Anna! I love that he went around raising twoonies and I love even more that he asked for hugs as well – wow, he sure is one precious kid. Hey, if he is still raising $ let me know, would love to tweet a link for him or help out in some way (donate in his name etc?)
A great big hug from me to him okay? And you have me SO intrigued about that thing you talked about. I do hope you will come back and let us know about that .. something you’ve always desired and resisted at the same time. Sounds like something you just might have to do… hmmm
Thanks for sharing Jackson’s preciousness, I love that kid already!
Oh my gosh….I totally *LOVE* you! & oh how I wish I could have been there to give you a hug. Okay, I’m going to send you one right now….
Did ya feel it? It was warm & heartfelt & fun!
I am honored by how you’ve taken this challenge on so whole-heartedly. You, my Dear, rock!
Thanks Cass, am I ever thankful to you for starting the 100 day challenge and Laura for tweeting about it and me for joining it. This one was a 2 in 1 for me – giving hugs in public AND making a wee vid.
You know one of the big ones is making a series of videos on .. I dunno, something inspiring.. so this was a good ice breaker.
♥♥ Warm, heartfelt cyberhugs right backatcha ♥♥
Congrats!! I keep wanting to do a Free Hugs thing and I may just make it happen as part of the 100 Things now!
You did awesome. I love the way this challenge is making me think about things. 🙂
Summer, how lovely to have you drop by 🙂 Great to connect with a fellow fear challenger. Isn`t it such an amazing experience! Read your post about being vulnerable and open with your friend – great facing the fear and doing it anyway.
I just know so much will have changed in our lives at the end of the 100 days and am looking forward to sharing our learnings as we go along and at the end of it.
Thanks again xo
Singing.
Out loud where someone can hear. Or some-more-than-ones. On purpose.
Egad! Yikes! Aaaaaahhhhh! (me running away. Ka-thump-tumble-bang-ouch! Dangit – tripped & fell)
I’ve always wanted to sing. Onstage. With a band. For an audience. (preferably appreciative) When I was about 10, I remember singing along to the chorus of Rock the Boat as it emanated from our old radio in the kitchen, and I just knew that was what I wanted to do. Except that I couldn’t because the step mother kept telling me that “If you can’t sing it right, don’t sing at all.”
She left. My desire didn’t. I became one of the great Closet Singers, performing for imaginary audiences when I was the only one home, comfortable on my stage where sound from the stereo speakers merged. Good times, good times…
If I could come up with 100 days’ of fears to broach, I’d get in on it. But I don’t really have too much of a problem doing, going forth, saying, asking or otherwise putting myself out there. I mean, I may feel nauseous, quivery, and quake in my boots, but that’s excitement and anticipation. This? This is just plain, stupid fear. And the longer I let it rule me, the bigger the block, the greater others’ expectations of what I can sing … which just compounds in on itself, making it worse.
So how does one go about eliminating the Crux of Fear (not to be confused with, but possibly as potent as, the Axis of Evil).
Eliminating in a nice, easy way… with a few more steps than Eleanor Roosevelt’s suggestion of just doing the thing which we think we cannot do. I mean, isn’t there some gentle way of, y’know … leading up to it?
Please?…
Wow! So glad you didn’t let that little dream die Anna. And so wonderful that you shared it here cos it’s in line with today’s ezine (which is being written at the moment) about DREAMS and how ignoring them suffocates the life energy out of us. How’s that for divine timing 🙂
About the 100 things I fear project – here’s a surprise for ya. I don’t have a list. I just come up with one on the day. Yep, that’s right. What I’ve realised is that fear is present everywhere, everyday. In decisions I make, in choices I choose, in things I say and do.
It’s insidious and exists on SO many levels I had no clue about till I started questioning my decisions and actions throughout the day. From simple things like saying no to a dinner invitation. I get really curious about it – is it cos I’m tired, being lazy, feeling low, would have to make an effort etc.
Getting curious ROCKS!! More often than not, I’ll come to an awareness of a fear underlying my decisions. From there, I either acknowledge it and take action (DO) or acknowledge it and stay with it (BE).
Either ways, that’s one more aspect of me I’m aware of and as I always say…. AWARENESS is key, ACTION is glee (ok I just totally made that last part up, that was lame haha)
You don’t eliminate fears in a nice easy way. Get on board by understanding them, asking what purpose they serve, what are they trying to protect you from, what are they telling you about your values and things that are important to you. Even saying “wow, this scares me” is a brilliant start to overcoming your fears. Make fear your ally.
It may happen that looking at one fear brings up a million others and (as I’m finding out) you’ll see a pattern emerge, a pattern of your deepest and biggest fears that you may not even KNOW about yet, being reflected in all the other fears that come up. After 23 days, my pattern as I see it is, “fear of not being enough as I am”.
It’s a crock of S**t of course, but to watch how insidiously it creeps into my daily life experience makes me SO glad I am facing it. So that I can SLAY it. And stripping it daily of all the gremlin masks it wears, is wearing it down. No big action here (ok, maybe a few), just little ones one day at a time. Damn gremlins! ha!
So what’s next for you? Once you face a fear quivering in your boots, you can do it again and again. Your passion and your dreams become MUCH bigger than any death grip fear has on you (or that iron grip YOU have on fear that’s keeping it tied to you).
So yes I know you want a way to slide into it but when it’s THIS big, I find it works to take a deeeeep breath and just DIVE in. Or not. Your choice. If not today, tomorrow. Or the day after. One day you will. I can tell.
Tia,
How amazing to just be cognitive of throughout the day of every time fear dictates our actions. I have been reading the comments to this post and coming up with a few fears of my own. I just thought of one that I have not thought of before or at least in the way of recognizing that I have fear around it.
I have been working very hard on forgiving someone for things that have happened over a number of years. Just today I flashed back to one of the situations and caught myself telling this person (in my mind) what I would have liked to say to them back when one incident happened. Although I have fewer and fewer occurences of these flashbacks (mostly because I catch myself and choose to think different thoughts) I fear that I will never forgive and forget. I fear that I will carry these resentments with me always.
Maybe there is part of me that holds on to these memories as a protection or a reminder to stand up when my values are being stepped on. But the greater part of me feels crappy when I catch myself there, and holding resentments is keeping poison inside.
I am curious if you or anyone else has any insights for me on facing my fear that I will never totally forgive?
Berta
P.S. I will get gravatar so you can see my face, but need to get a picture first.
I don’t know the specifics of your sitch Berta but a couple of things come to mind here.. working hard at forgiving assumes that you’ve been wronged and they did something wrong. Most of our pain and suffering comes from us holding onto the wrongs people did us. It’s like my dad would say – by holding onto anger and resentment, you’re only hurting yourself, not the other person.
So perhaps more than you forgiving them, you could try forgiving yourself for hurting you (by holding onto it for so long)? That will help dissolve some of the charge around this topic.
I’ve also found that the times I run old conversations (and my responses) over in my head, there’s some learning to be had. Something within me needs to heal, forgive and be forgiven before I can move on. I’d get you to look into that and see what shows up.
It could be that holding on feels familiar, even though it’s painful, it makes you feel alive. In that case, you could gently soothe that part of you and find other ways to feel alive.
Sounds to me that you’re being hard in yourself for not having stood up for your values so the next time you feel that way how about saying something like “ahhhh, this is reminding me how important my values are” and then do something that honours it?
I totally believe you will forgive when you’re ready to move on. And that’s okay!
Have you read this post on forgiveness yet? Might help to know that forgiveness IS a choice, and the day you really decide to let go, you will be able to http://www.coachtia.com/2009/07/15/a-forgiveness-journal-letting-go-of-the-past/
Ok anyone else reading this post, please jump in and share your thoughts on this! Thanks!
pps: Yay you got a gravatar!! Great to see your beautiful smile 🙂