“I wish I could be like you”, she said. “To just up and travel the world, have adventures and be free… but I can’t, I’ve got a career, husband, children, mortgage, standard of living I’m used to and I can’t give that up!”
“Keep writing about your adventures, I’m living vicariously through you”, said another friend.
“Oh if only I had more time … there aren’t enough hours in the day to do what I want. I’m so tired”, says a third.
Sample sentences I’ve heard over the years. The question isn’t if you have the time, money, energy or desire. It’s about what you make more important than that.
And whatever that is, is perfectly okay as long as you know that’s what you’re doing consciously.
What do you make more important than your time?
What do you make more important than your happiness?
What do you make more important than your dreams?
What do you make more important than LOVE for your fellow human bee-ing?
As coaches we are taught to ask ourselves “what am I making more important than serving my client” or “what am I allowing to stop me from acting with courage and calling someone forth”?
And the answers vary from looking good, to wanting to be liked, being seen as an expert, not wanting to make mistakes, not wanting to offend someone, keeping the status quo, being comfortable and so on.
And we learn that to step out of that comfort zone of fear (yep, it’s almost always some sort of fear), is a huge gift – for ourselves and for our clients.
It’s the SAME for you, no matter what work you do or what your life looks like.
How often are you willing to risk your relationship with people to get to a more truthful and intimate place? From openness and sharing comes a connection and level of understanding deeper than you may ever have experienced.
When you truly share yourself in vulnerable truth, you allow others to be more of who they are.
I’ve been thinking about these concepts a lot since I assisted my 2nd coaching course this weekend. There’s something truly magical about a room full of people who feel safe enough to drop their masks and really reach out to each other at a core, human level. To be seen as who they really, truly are – messy and beautiful all at once.
Oh my, can you imagine that!?
A world where we all operate from a space of love and authenticity instead of fear? Encouraging and supporting each other rather than protecting ourselves from each other?
We’ve all got that to some degree, I’m asking you to magnify it 10000 times and stretch it beyond your loved ones.
And to trust that whoever shows up will be loved and heard intimately, without judgement.
To be heard is one of our biggest “needs” in life. Just think for a moment – when you are in a conversation with someone, how much of it is you listening to them and how much is you forming a response to them before they’ve even stopped talking? Man I know I’m guilty of that.
Your presence (and that includes listening), is one of the most precious gifts you can give to anyone.
Today, what would happen if you reached out to someone close to you and really SAW them, HEARD them and EXPERIENCED them from a space of curiosity and openness?
No barriers, no judgement, just the core of them. What would happen?
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Go on, I invite you to be a part of this little experiment. Try it for a day, an hour. How did it impact your relationship with your mother, father , husband, wife, child, friend, boss, employee, banker, bus driver, tooth fairy, dog, cat, minister? I’d love to hear your experience, thanks in advance for sharing!
Tia,
Loved this post! I have heard a lot of the same comments you started the entry with. And I guess it really IS all about the fact I make LIVING more important than the other things many people make their lives about.
“What are you making more important than…?” is one of those simple yet amazingly powerful questions that seems to work almost every time I ask it of myself or others. Thank you for reminding me of that.
I think today I will make sure not to let anything be more important than living this day to the fullest! Hope you have the same kind of day!
Cheers!
Oh my Leslie, I got goosebumps at “I make LIVING more important than the other things many people make their lives about.”
That’s just it, isn’t it? What does living mean to each one of us.. for me, it’s about showing up in life as 100% and living by the tenets of love, courage, authenticity, openness and FUN hehe 😀
There were many opportunities today for my day to go bust but by remembering “response-ability” over “react-ibility” I made sure it’s turning out to be as fabulous as I intended it when I woke up this morning.
Gotta LOVE that ay? Thanks for sharing your thoughts Leslie, you’re always so full of learning and wisdom x
One thing I have noticed about bee-ing with people and holding no judgements or trying to fix their issues is that I am drawn into what they gloss over. My curiosity about what they have said or left unsaid prompts really pointed questions. I know this sounds coaching cliche, but while entertaining 10 people this weekend I was listening without preconceived notions and questions just kept popping into my head. I learned more about my friends, who I have known for over ten years, and felt closer to them than I ever have in the past. Very Kewl!
You’re a CTI coach, aren’t you Berta!? I can just tell 😀 delighted to have you comment here, thanks so much for taking the time!
What a beautiful gift to be able to listen in at such a deep level that you can hear what people are not saying.. it really improves the quality of our lives 100%, just this little, simple act. Why don’t more people do it?
Oh wait I’m changing that to an “afformation”:
Why do so many people really see and listen to each other!?
Liking it alreadyyyyyyyy woohoo!
Yes, CTI coach! It is so true; as you said, I have caught myself so often forming my answer and wanting to tell my similar story before the person talking has finished. That is NOT listening! But taking that step back and listening while everyone else in fighting for the floor, especially with people you know (or think you know) so well, you see the beauty in them blossem in front of you. By noticing that they speak in generalities, and asking them to “explain that,” “what does that mean,” and “give me details” I learned so much and realized how similar I am to one of my friends that I always felt so completely opposite of. (This is someone that I saw almost weekly for nine of the last ten years!) I just realized that I love this person for our differences and for some core values that are similarities. What fun to see this person in their true light.
WOW what an amazing experience to have! That just made my heart ✈ ✈ ✈ To see someone you’ve seen for 9 years with fresh eyes and really experience them on another level. Ahhhhh. Beautifully done my friend 🙂
“I’m curious about…” have become my favourite words these days. And I find the more I practice being aware, the more I catch myself in the times I don’t listen as well and the better I get at listening. Powerful stuff, this. Thanks for sharing that story about your friend, I love it!
Ah, *SUCH* an important, foundational question to ask!!! “What am I making more important than…” my happiness? My ultimate fulfillment? My (oh by the way) BIRTHRIGHT to live FULLY into my DIVINE POTENTIAL?!
Oy yoy yoy! Just seeing that in the light of day is like a perfect kick in the butt!
AND, I want to underscore your point that it’s OKAY to make something more important than those things, as long as I’m consciously choosing that…because then (and only then) can I take full responsibility for the quality of my life.
Thank you, Tia, for bringing out these vital questions that feel like they’re near the crux of it all!
You are da bomb diggity. 🙂
xoxo,
Laura
And I’m going to triple repeat that gem, Laura! As long as we consciously choose our “thats”, it’s a life lived fully. Because if we don’t make a conscious choice, it’s not us but a lifetime of experiences and influences that are choosing our life. *Shudder* Been there, done that, not going back.
You and I and WE are bigger than that. Thanks for double-triple-underscoring this oh so important truth. Love you girlfriend! x