Get Over Yourself Darling.
Who do you think you are.
To say you’re going to change the world.
To think you need a mission to validate you.
Who do you think you are.
To say you don’t matter.
To measure your life using skewed standards of success, none of which were defined by you?
To cloak yourself in confusion and darkness.
To say you don’t know what your calling is, or who you are.
You know who you are. You know what you want.
Deep inside.
You’re just playing the part of someone who doesn’t.
Cos it seems safer. Comfortable.
You act like you’re making this work.
When really, you’re whiplashing.
Who do you think you are?
No, not that.
Not that either.
There is nothing broken in you.
Nothing that needs to be fixed or changed.
You are perfect.
A child of God. A vision.
You are whole.
You are love.
You are source energy.
Nothing that is outside of you is your purpose, nor ever will be.
If you want to know why you are here and what you are here to do, look within.
Still your mind. Still the chatter. Still the outside.
Feel the silence.
Feel the love.
That you are.
Much is made of big, lofty, world changing goals.
I’m starting to feel though, that our purpose is NOT to change the world, but to be fully self expressed. And THROUGH that, create the world we desire.
You and I, we get so “significant” and deeply involved when we talk about life purpose and our calling or path, don’t we? Doesn’t passion feel so earnest and emotional and vulnerable, like baring your soul to be judged, poked at, admired or criticised?
No wonder we tend to get so serious about making a difference and changing the world.
AS IF there was something wrong with the world!
I’m taking a stand that there is NOTHING here to be changed. Nothing to be fixed. Our world is perfect in its imperfection, as are you and everyone you know. Besides, change already happens every second of the day, and that’s going to keep happening, whether you choose to direct it or not.
The struggle occurs when you think you should be saying and doing things that you aren’t.
Byron Katie says “Nothing comes ahead of its time, and nothing has ever happened that didn’t need to happen”. Trust that you are doing and saying exactly what you are meant to be. Anxiety, worry, struggle – they’re all signs of resistance to what IS.
And when you’re resisting, your energy is stuck and you can’t create.
Stop resisting you, you. And making yourself wrong. It’s your ticket to peace.
This is why you might have noticed the mass consciousness trending around authenticity of late. As I wrote in the Authenticity Paradigm, authenticity isn’t about finding a goal so big that it makes your life worth something.
It’s about FINDING out what makes you tick, your dreams, desires and wants.
It’s about OWNING who you really are and what you really want, no matter how unconventional or against society’s grain it is.
It’s about LIVING it out fully, without reservations.
I’ve touched on this before and think it’s worth exploring and emphasising again (thanks Myra):
What if your purpose was simply this – to be you. To be you. To be fully, unashamedly, passionately, flawedly, perfectly, YOU?
It makes me smile, passion. Like a tender child, it needs to be nurtured, and at the same time, set free. When you do that, your mission naturally unfolds.
Let me repeat: It’s NOT about changing the world, it about creating the world you want!
For me, my purpose/path/calling/whatchumaywannacallit would be thus:
BE JOY!
Be fully alive and experience all emotions, knowing that none are permanent.
Every day, feel ALIVE!! Dance in the kitchen. Use a ton of exclamation marks!
If my purpose was joy, this is how it would play out:
Eat more Nutella! Love more openly! Hug strangers! Love myself. Have giggle fests! Be spontaneous. Look people in the eye. Smile. See the beauty in everyone. Have gobs of fun. Be in integrity with my words, actions and thoughts. Choose how I want to feel. Silliness. Read on the couch and fall asleep with the book trailing off my hand. Cry when I’m hurt. Tell people how I really feel. Be real. Kick guilt to the curb.
Every day, I’d radiate love, fulfillment and joy.
And let that mean whatever it means.
When you do that, you have so much more to offer the world. By allowing yourself to be you, you allow yourself to serve others.
The more you can be for yourself, the more you can be and do for others.
When you are living YOUR potential, only then can you inspire others to live THEIRS. When you speak your truth, you encourage others to speak theirs.
When you act with courage, it helps others access theirs.
When you have found/owned and are living your purpose and taken a stand for it, you encourage others to do so as well.
When I do that,
The bigger purpose of my life becomes living joyfully and helping others to find and fulfil their vision of a kickass life!
This is living my life my way.
Everything on the outside is but a manifestation of Being. For if I have not walked this path, what could I tell you about it? How could I help you? What good is a purpose like “change the world” if I haven’t changed my perspective?
When you are fully self expressed, you positively impact all those who cross your path. When you do that, you make it not about you, but about your world.
If you feel making it about you is too small, I challenge you to think again. For it’s through living out your values, that you make the biggest impact on the world.
Your purpose really, truly does start with your self first, then others.
When Gandhi said “Be the change you want to see in the world”, he didn’t mean the world needed to be changed! He meant, create the world you want by changing either who you are, or what you want. At least that’s how I see it.
I’m curious to know what you think! Is purpose important to you? Can you live without it? How would you define it? Do you know your purpose? Are you looking for it? Do you think it’s all bollocks?
What would you say your purpose is?
Thanks for sharing, I’m SO looking forward to your thoughts on this one! Especially if you’re a lurker and have never commented, let’s hear from you too. This is something that pertains to every single one of us. Cheers!
For many long, dark years I had no idea what to do with my life (or myself!) and mostly thought I had no choice in the decision. I thought I’d either continue stumbling in the dark for the rest of my life or eventually show myself the exit door. I got help. Now I see a very bright future for me. I get nervous thinking my dreams won’t be fulfilled but I keep thinking I’m resourceful enough to learn from my mistakes, come out better on the other side of my hardships, and be flexible and open enough to adjust the course toward my dreams as needed.
I decided quite abruptly I wanted to be a life coach. I jumped in without looking too closely which is beyond bizarre for me but I’m sure this is what I want to offer to the world. I want to help people feel whole and happy. That makes me feel happy. 🙂 So, in a way, I’m doing my own thing, crafting my own happiness, and contributing to the world at the same time.
Shauna, bless you! For getting the help you needed, for deciding to create your future as you want it, for realising your power of choice and for believing in yourself enough to keep putting one foot in front of the other. You have the Powerrrrrrrrrr!!
Looks like you had a hit of intuition and followed it. The uncertainty and nervousness that shows up is the fear that appears when you stretch your comfort zone and take action that is new to you.
So anytime you feel the gremlins in your head start squeaking and throwing a virtual panic party, thank them for trying to protect you and let them know that YES, you took a risk, YES things may seem crazy, YES it may be challenging at times but NO, you don’t need them to take care of you cos you trust that you’ve got a good thing going!
I’m SO happy to see you taking charge of your happiness, in doing so you are ALREADY inspiring everyone around you whether you know it or not. This is important for you to remember – no matter how random an encounter, a meeting, an interaction, you make a difference.
Whether you say something or not, who you are BEING shines forth and creates a ripple effect that could well change the course of someone’s day or life. Just by commenting here, I bet you’ve inspired and helped someone who’s currently where you were.
So on their behalf and mine, thank you 🙂 Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You are an inspiration!
Ah Tia… You’re singing my song! Speaking my language! 🙂 Feels good, YES?
The bio I’ve been using most frequently when people introduce me for the Joy of Brilliance presentations I give begins like this…
“Visionary Inspirational Facilitator, Debra Gehrke believes that life’s greatest purpose is Joy. She has made it her life’s mission to live and share Joy from the inside, out.”
It goes on to say some other super cool stuff…the point is, JOY is the focus. And JOY is made of the same stuff as LOVE and APPRECIATION. So when we shine our brilliance with the JOY that is ALIVE within…we’re rockin’ SO deep!!! *yeah, I’m def good w/using tons of exclamation points!!! hehe 😉
I’m w/Shauna (in the comment above)… In my world, I figure…how can it get any better than this (and I’m always open to even better!)…I choose to live JOY…honor my true nature, follow the feel good, give lots of self love hugs, choose my thoughts on purpose, creating the most delicious reality I desire…AND, I get to share that recipe with others. It’s just so darn dreamy!!! Living JOY and encouraging others to do the same. LOVE my life. AND my J.O.B. *Joy of Brilliance* (God, I LOVE how that one gave itself to me!) And my purpose. Live JOY. LOVE how Simple and Magnificent that is.
In JOY! 🙂 XO DebSoul
I cldn’t have put it any simpler or brillianter or beautifuller Debsie-fulla-soul, you beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, shining, sparkly, joyous being! Can you tell how you light others up so!? Yes, yes you do 🙂
Joy seems purer than happiness to me. Happiness is an emotion, a state brought on by particular events most times, whereas joy really seems to come from within! J.O.B was a stroke of geniousity for sure – I remember when it struck you and how PERFECTLY it fit with your mission!
All I can see in your comment now is JOY!! LOVE!! JOY!! LOVE!! JOY!!!! lOVE!!!! Thanks for the shot of sheer joyfulness and enthusiasm! You’re the vibingest vibe upper I ever saw! Love and Joy baby! xoxo
Wow!! Thanks Tia!!! For all of that. …and who could ask for more…”all I can see in your comment now is JOY!! LOVE!! JOY!! LOVE!!…” If that’s all anyone ever sees in anything I write, say or be that’s beyond delicious enough for me! 🙂
I love how you’ve differentiated between happiness and JOY, too. That’s exactly the way I describe both when I’m sharing about them. …birds of a feather, brilliant one!!
Loving YOU! :O XOXO
Bravo! Woot, woot, woot!!!!!!! This is it exactly. It’s why I started the Find Your Coregreen UPrising! I call it being green–seeing yourself as a sustainable resources because YOU are all you are and all you have and all you need to be.
What am I passionate about? Dogs … and fun and writing and Pooh bear and rain and the beach and naps and pizza (mmm) and dogs and dancing and singing and, um, did I say dogs? 🙂
I walked away from a “successful” inauthentic life in my mid-thirties to start an “unsuccessful” (by societal standards) authentic life and I’ve had a messy go of it. I thought it would be all pretty — with me staying slender in lovely flowing dresses and living in my pretty house and driving my new car while doing what I love. Instead it’s been me all big and lumbering in clothes I’m not crazy about in a 23 year old rusty SUV doing what I love. And if I were writing a novel, the latter would make a more interesting character … so what does THAT say about all the effort to be “perfect?”
I spent years agonizing over my “purpose” or “higher calling” until one day asked myself, “What if it’s just to be the best doggone dog mom in the world because that’s what makes me happy?” And the truth is that when I’m doing that and everything it involves, I shine. I also shine when I’m writing fiction, even if no one wants to read it.
So I am refocusing on both of those and letting the rest of it just sort of ooze in through the cracks from time to time as seems appropriate. And interestingly enough, I’m dropping those excess pounds bit by bit, naturally. Seems they were attached to that “high purpose” angst and when I relaxed into simple Ande The Awesome Dog Mom And Story Teller, they decided to move on.
Thanks for shouting out the truth about what we’re here for, Tia! You’re supersplendiferous! And by the way, you’d make a perfect Find Your Coregreen spokesperson. 😉 Love you, love you, love you!!!!!
Girl, you make me laugh! Yeah, freedom doesn’t always look like we thought it would – heck, where’s the manual that tells us to watch out for the bumps and be ready for the HUGE AFGOS that are about to come?
The purpose thing – that really is a downer. Wouldn’t it be nice if we were all born with a compass pointing to the North Star? Oh wait.. we are!! God Bless Marthe Beck for helping us find our stars and steer by starlight. I’m digging into both of those again.
1) best doggone dog mom + 2) writing fiction cos you’re writing fiction. You’ve just described your purpose by looking into what lights you up and BLESS you for not making it significant but just allowing it to be cos it IS. Really, bless you, bless you, bless you! I’m just smiling at how focusing on what you love automagically lightens the load (no pun intended) in EVERY part of your life!
Just stay tuned into that, k? You’re doing wonderful work with the Core Green philosophy!
Mwah!
ps: Oh and SOD societal standards. The very people who made those spent their lives shackles ON and probably felt so threatened and resentful of shackles OFF people that they burn them at the stake. SOD EM!
pps: AFGOs= another freakin growth opp as coined by Lin Eleoff
Purpose and discipline are everything. This was such an inspiring and thoughtful post. It’s like one of those articles you dig deep down for and when it’s posted you actually feel relief I bet!
My purpose is to live a life in service to others. I enjoy helping other people feel better, be optimistic, launch and grow their businesses, and just be there in support.
Thanks for this…
That’s beautiful Jon, thank you for sharing. Yes, I wrote the poem first, then the rest of it a couple of days later, then kept adding a few words here and there, even a couple of lines today! The topic keeps bringing more to life.
I’d also love to know – which of your values are you fulfilling when you live out your purpose? And what does your fully expressed self look like in service to yourself and others? Thanks for chiming in, great to see a newer face around 🙂 Cheers!
I’m fulfilling freedom. Freedom to embrace what is bigger than the individual. Freedom that I help unlock for others when they see my commitment to my purpose (and minor goals) and my commitment to helping them serve theirs. It’s also selflessness and reliability. These two are hard, very hard. But I’m striving to BE those and be them consistently.
This is a new(er) realm to me. My “full expressed self” is still a blurry picture coming into focus for me. I’m working on things; this has been my most reflective and yet most forward-thinking year (I mean trailing 12-months, not just 2011).
My first step was accepting me for my flaws and faults. Pushing away the negative influences and those who draw from me without every replenishing me (there are some who just drain your energy leaving you empty for others who are deserving). Now I’ve been focusing on giving.
It’s amazing how life is. The more you give away the more people give to you; it’s like you can’t out-give the universe.
Reading your response was so exhilarating, Jon! I’m totally enrolled in the possibility you’re creating for freedom of expression and choice. Your commitment shines through loud and clear and I have no doubt you’re on the right path! Huge kudos on accepting and acknowledging your gifts and flaws alike. Thanks for making a difference in people’s lives. Indeed, it’s a world of abundance and the more one gives, the more one gets in return and the less one wants to be given anything 🙂 Rock on my friend!
Tia, thanks so much for this. It hit me at a crucial time!
“Doesn’t passion feel so earnest and emotional and vulnerable, like baring your soul to be judged, poked at, admired or criticised?”
My purpose really is to simply be myself in all my glory, and not feel negatively self-conscious about it. But oh my, what a volatile process it is, finding my way to the core of who I really am. As John Mellencamp sings, “I know there’s a balance, I see it when I swing past.”
Thanks for the encouragement. 🙂
Lovely Laurie, your crackedpotness is what makes you shine!
Be gentle with yourself, be kind to your gremlins who only want to love and protect you and tell them that you’re ready to be who you are and be a firework.
You’re doing GREAT by being so open about it and showing up nonetheless. I commend you for that courage in sharing and being, girlfriend! You go, girl.
ps: Loved the Mellencamp reference! Hey, at least you see it 😉 There’s hope yet.
Hey Tia,
The world seems to need changing because we’re all marching to someone else’s drummer. The angst and unrest is palpable.
If folks were raised to continue feeling alive – that magic you feel as a child looking at the wonder that surrounds you — instead of boxing us up into some generic product and put on a shelf — you’re right that we would not need to change the world, the world wouldn’t need changing. folks would feel energized and full of life.
I say wherever I go, we need to stop snuffing out life in young children. Your life purpose or energy or enthusiasm or whatever we may call it, is visible in young children. I’ve always been a leader of sorts, someone who questions – that to me is my reason for being on the planet – to start the question asking. I did get away from that – I self-muffled my voice after running into some severe “molders” in elementary school. Then when I felt safe, I took the muffle/muzzle off.
G.
I hear you Julie! The world always has been and will continue to change every second. Such is the nature of life and the Universe. I just wanted to point out that change is inevitable and does not wait for us but creation is proactive and therein lies our power.
SO on board with sustaining and encouraging the feeling of being alive, passionate and energised! Heck, you’re creating that by stepping into your light, your purpose and your self expression each time you stay true to who you are.
So thank you for showing up as you do and giving others permission to unmuzzle themselves by embracing your own power! You’re a true leader and inspirer!
Bringing a comment over from facebook reader Virgil cos it’s so damn awesome! He says””I just got a crush on me as I am. Thanks, Tia.”” Awww, way to go V!! Thanks!
Thank you for this Tia. It’s beautiful! And I agree 1000%.
My values conjure words like independence, freedom & sovereignty. I want to teach people to embrace their inner wanderer and create their own definition of happiness.
I also couldn’t agree more with Julie above. We’re taught to stifle all of the wonder and awe we have as children. For the sake of the status quo, we’re told that we should find our one box and climb in it…and stay there for the rest of our lives. That is killing us. We’re over stressed and over medicated and over eating and over everything because we were never meant to be packaged into little boxes.
Now, I’ve found my calling and I couldn’t have more joy. I’m teaching people how to create the work they love to do…how to make a living from home so they can be at home to guide the own children’s education.
This horrible homogenizing that we’ve done to ourselves through generations of public, industrialized, compartmentalized education…this will be our downfall. But it doesn’t have to be. Our kids don’t have to go through that. And we don’t have to live our lives apart from their lives.
We can live, learn, breathe, love and grow together. While creating a legacy of independence…showing our kids what it looks like to live joyous, fulfilled lives and refusing to accept anything less than that for ourselves.
It’s not about making lots of money. It’s not about changing the world. It’s about living your life on your own terms. Period. And that fills me with awe.
Great to connect with you Laura!
I can see all around me how lightworker energy is growing by the day and more and more people with similar views are being drawn to each other and to speak (and ACT) their truth in the world.
It’s evident in the joyousness of peeps who comment here, on FB and twitter and in the multitudes who are waking up and realising that it’s about living your life YOUR way – pretty frickin awesome, ay. Loving the unveiling, your words do me proud, thank you.
Tell you a little known ‘secret’ – I picked what I do because I want to transform people’s lives, yes, but the personal reason was that I wanted a career where I could work from home and be more present for my future children.
So I LOVE and identify with your mission already and If there’s anything I can do to help you, don’t hesitate to shoot me a message. More power to you, girlfriend xo
Laura i couldn’t agree more with everything you say. You are truly awe inspiring. Thank you for your wise and beautiful words. The children of the next generation will shine because of you. x
Wow!
You have a way with words. Such a long post and I never felt like you were being redundant, saying the same thing over and over, Yet all you said was “Be Yourself”. I suppose my gift is brevity and yours is expression to the max. To each his/her own.
Are blessed, stay that way. And thanks for the inspiration this morning.
You’re most welcome Rasheed! And thanks, that’s high praise indeed 🙂 Maybe I have a future as a girl Seth Godin and will write entire books with one central message? I used to wish I could be more succinct but now I know to embrace the gifts I do have!
Most people need to read or hear something 7-10 times in a bunch of different ways before a message clicks and I’m glad that so many words exist to say the same thing. In fact, your reply and a video I saw this morning is inspiring a post about language.
Stay tuned & have a fabulous day!
It is a new way to see things. It is easy to get up in wanting to do more, when sometimes just doing is absolutely enough. and being grateful and joyful, that’s a gift you give to yourself while you share it with others.
True story, Mary! Gratitude is one of the key characteristics of the world’s happiest people.
HI Mrs. Tia :=)
I would like to start by thanking you for this beautiful and inspiring article. I have come across similar thoughts through Bob Procter..
I believe that purpose is the first and most important step one should have ! Bob Procter claimed that there are 5 steps in order to attain anything you want, and the first step is to have a goal or passion or purpose (depending again on how you perceive the word, in other words, which brain type you belong to). .
Answering your second question, I think you can, but at what cost? I’ve been living most of my life searching for a purpose not really knowing what I was looking for.. I did live without it, but I wasn’t HAPPY.. I was in fact attracting all the things I didn’t want because I was putting all my energy on the things I didn’t want..
I have 3 purposes, gain as much understanding as I can and share it with the people I love on Change Management, HAPPINESS, and love.. Im working on them everyday, setting patterns, reading articles, blogs, magazines, books, watching videos..
I stopped looking, I am LIVING my passions :=)
Goosebumps, George!! I love your clarity and commitment to not following your passion but LIVING it. You have a great writing style and this topic calls for a blog post right here, right now hehe. Game to write one for YLYW :)?
I stumbled across you this morning whilst researching dreams and apssions on the internet.
How completely amazing to stumble across someone so like me !! someone who loves to use !!! – even though they’ve been told its incorrect, someone who collects new ideas and experiences like a magpie and someone who (for the first time in my life) reassured me that I’m not alone and its fine to be this way. just fine.
Thank you
Claire
Have you done landmark education?
Hi Fiona, yes, I did 2 Landmark courses in 2011 – gotta say, they were interesting but not as life changing for me as everyone said it would be. Reckon that’s cos my life changed when I did coach training in 2008 – what I saw at Landmark was very similar to what I learned in 2008 so maybe that’s why? It did help me see integrity in a while new way, though! Have you done LM too?
Tia this is beautiful. I’ve come across this blog rather late in the day but it echoes so much of what I have come to believe is true about life. Life is for living. After spending years stuck in the maze of thinking, analysing, pondering, questioning and searching for deep and hidden meanings I have come to a place where I know that my only life’s purpose is to express the joy of being alive. Life is a celebration; a great feast; a banquet and there is no right or wrong way to live it. Discovering that it is OK to be happy and that I am actually allowed to be joyful has been hugely liberating for me but at the same time it has not been without its challenges. I seem to have carried around with me for a long time a deep seated belief that it is wrong to be happy; that life is a trial and not something to be enjoyed. Letting go of this belief system is a times difficult but always rewarding. Reading your post today has truly helped me and I am so thankful that I have been guided to find you amongst all the people on this vast world wide web. Now what would living a life of joy look like for me? time to write out my own, unique description of joyful living.
Hey Janet, we’re just getting started 🙂 I would love to know how you let go of this belief system, this is something so many people struggle with and could do with learning from someone who is as vibrant and ALIVE! as you – your aura shines through this comment!
I’m happy that my post helped you, please do come back and share what a joyful life looks like for you once you’ve written it down! Mega love & sparkles! Tia
Hi Tia
Your reply has really got me thinking. Have I really been able to let go of my limiting beliefs about life and move forward into a greater freedom? The answer it seems is both yes and no. My life is made up of releasing and grasping, coming and going, remembering and forgetting, awakening and falling back to sleep. I’m not sure I would use the term ‘letting go’ I prefer the word releasing. When I hear the instruction to let go I panic because letting go speaks to me of loss and I resist this perceived lessening of life. Releasing on the other hand seems gentler. I can release/slacken the hold these beliefs have on me and in the process I find that my life opens up and new ways of thinking, being and perceiving come to me – Instead of less, I receive more! So the key, as I see it, is to encourage ourselves to open to this more. Encourage our minds to open and our bodies to soften and relax enough to bring in the fresh perspectives on life that we dearly long for. There will be as many ways as there are people to do this. As Rumi said, ‘There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground!’ Here is a list of some of the things that have helped me, when done with awareness:
Meditation; relaxation; being mindful; t’ai chi; dance; poetry; deep breathing; slowing down; visualization; running; questioning my mind talk; refusing to get drawn into comparing myself to others; laughing; talking; sharing; reading; crying – the list is endless.
When we are open as opposed to closed out of fear then we are free to feel our life and not just think about it. I believe that our joy resides in our ability to feel and appreciate all of life, not just selective parts of it. As Emily Dickinson said, ‘ The mere sense of living is joy enough.’
This joy is then expressed through a life that is gentle, accepting, giving, responsive, freeing, open, evolving, expressive, connected, caring, supportive, flowing, creative etc.
For me this involves dancing, singing, writing poetry, smiling at strangers, swimming in the sea, gazing at the sunsets, writing letters to old friends, watching weepy films with my daughters, drinking coffee and eating cake, laughing, making love under the stars, walking along beaches, holding hands with my husband, sharing stories with friends……..and recognising that life is a FREE gift to be treasured!
Love love love love your list!!
“I can release/slacken the hold these beliefs have on me and in the process I find that my life opens up and new ways of thinking, being and perceiving come to me – Instead of less, I receive more! ” —-> that’s pure gold. I’ll be thinking about it, thanks for sharing, Janet 🙂
Hi Mrs. Tia,
I wish you an Absolutely Magical 2013 full of success 🙂
My apologies for replying late, I was overwhelmed with mails as well work as such I did not find the time to reply.
If the offer still stands I would love to 🙂
Have a great day!
Mr. Happy